Noirs obligatory idea dump (Buffy centered)
by Noir Detective
Summary: My obligatory idea dump of my one-shots and concepts of my future stories. Mostly Buffy centric. Rated M to be on the save side due to swearing.


******AN: Hi all. This is first of my one-shots and I hope you will like it, sadly english is not my first language and there might be a lot of mistakes, I am sorry about that, but this just came to me and insisted to be written, so I wrote this just under two hours and I just wanted to share this, so my head would be clear and I could go back to do some actual work. Sight. Noir Detective signing off.**

Disclaimer not mine

Buffy/Discworld/HP

**Another Granddaughter**

**_Or how Janus pissed off and pleased Death in one go._**

Buffy decided that this was going to be the worst Halloween in her life. Thanks to Xanders clumsiness, she had ended up pissing queen C in major way. Not like it was her fault, but Cordelia saw it as Buffy's and decided that it was high time for her to punish her.

And after Cordelia found out about Buffy's detention from Twinkly eyed Headmast… errr no wrong continent, Director Skinner? No, no right continent, wrong city and different organization, Principal Snyder… (Bingo, Dandelion get the hell out of Dodge…) she decided to use it in her punishment of Buffy. But during the day Cordelia had a slight change of hearth as she decided that Buffy wasn't that much at fault here. So she decided that event though she had to go with Buffy to the new costume shop called Ethan's her choice of dress wouldn't be, as embarrassing, as she originally planned.

In the end she choose for Buffy a black dress with inconspicuous bustier white wig with a black stripe in the middle not dissimilar to Cruella Devill wannabe, black cape and a metal poker to go with it She was satisfied with her choices as Buffy in the end didn't find the dress as repulsing as she thought it will be. She in fact really liked the dress. The only thing that Buffy didn't like was the name that Cordellia came up with.. Susan Sto-Helit what kind a name was that anyway?

**XxX**

Unfortunately for Ethan few minutes after his spell started a woman in a black cloak entered his shop and hit him with her poker. Then she identified herself as a part time death and Deaths granddaughter, before she threatened that she will smash his life hourglass, if he didn't end the spell right now. Who would have guessed that one of his costumes was deaths granddaughter. As he smashed the statue of Janus he had a feeling that this whole trip to Sunnydale was a really bad idea, before he was hit over his head by that poker again that subsequently robbing him of consciousness.

**XxX**

On a higher plane of being certain entity known as Janus said as it started panicking.

"Son of bitch, I am soo fucked."

**XxX**

As the bust of Janus shattered Buffy felt as the spell ended, but she didn't felt any different, she really needed to talk wit her new grandfather, she gave Ethan one solid whack over his head and she turned on her heel and walked through the wall to the street, where she putted two fingers into her mouth and gave a sharp whistle.

A white horse with intelligent eyes materialized in front of her giving her a confused stare.

Hi Binky, yes I know you are confused, but I really need to speak with grandfather.

Binky blinked and made confused sound Buffy gave a sigh and said. "Well think of me as Susan 2.0, Okay?"

Binky gave her a nod as he allowed her to climb on her and with a mighty bounce they disappeared.

**XxX**

In the end Buffy had a long talk with Death at his house where he explained that she know was really is another granddaughter and although she was from different reality than discworld she still had an access to all of his powers, as Susan had, but that she didn't need to worry that she would have to take apart in duty in her realm as the process was more automated ton roudworld than at discworld thanks to the PTB.

He also told her that she was still partly mortal and no longer a slayer and would have to act as death only at special occasions. He then explained that thanks to her part mortal status she was allowed to cheat due to free will of mortal's aspect.

Also he stressed not to abuse this option much and also that she was always welcomed at his realm or at the discworld. Buffy left Deaths house after an interesting meeting with Susan and short holiday in Ankh-Morpork. Life seemed to be more bearable after that. After all she managed to scare the shit out of Spike (not literally) with a one single lookTM.

**XxX**

Harry and Hermione stood in front of their whole Charm class, their goal for the first three months of their fifth year they had to present one of the ancient and defunct ritual, perform it and give analysis of why it didn't work.

The whole project had an positive effect on Harry as it helped him to solve his problems with Hermione and patch their relationship that now steadily moved to Boyfriend-Girlfriend category, only cloud in the sky was pink ugliness that choose today to observe Flitwick class and was sitting in the corner of the classroom.

Hermione went through her mental list and looked at Harry and nodded as he started to paint octogram on the floor and Hermione prepared other needed items three small sticks and 4 cc of mouse blood and a fresh egg and two other small sticks as she placed them into places, both of them started to pump their magic into the octogram and chant.

With a final cry of AshkEnte, they finished the ritual and Hermione moved to the board to start explanation of why it didn't work, when so-cal accented voice interrupted her.

"Hey, would any of you, be so kind and make splainy why I was summoned here?"

Whole class turned and gaped. Leaning on the class door was standing a quite strange (a least by Hogwarts standards) sight. Petite smallish young gray-green blonde with a black stripe in her hairs, dressed in muggle tight leather pants, black turtle neck, jeans jacket and high heels, that were giving her few more sorely lacking inches of height-wise.

The strange blonde lifted one of her sculpted eyebrow as she was met with silence.

"So, no one is gonna, like answer me?" she asked. The classroom was still silent.

"Who, what, how did you get here." Stuttered Harry as he gathered his wits.

"Well you, folks did AshkEnte summoning ritual, and boom here I am, Duh, So judging from your accent I am in England." She answered.

Hermione blinked as she mentally went through the blonde's statement and stutteringly answered. "Scotland actually, but shouldn't you appear in there, she pointed inside of the octogram."

"Oh, Pardon me" the blonde said and confidently strode into the octogram where she stood hands folded under her chest and gave Harry and Hermione expectation filled look. "Well, soo what's up?"

Hermione whose brain kicked into another gear asked.

"You, you are death aren't you?"

The blonde answered with a pleasant smile.

"Yep, part time only. The name is Buffy nice to meetch ya."

Draco called from back of the classroom "Aren't you little short for the Death?" not believing single thing the blonde bimbo said after all how could this muggle be death that was ridiculous.

Buffy's eyes narrowed at the dig at her height she imperiously lifted her hand as a large scythe appeared in it its blade was shining, giving it very dangerous and sharp look, her jacket transformed into long black leather duster darker than pitch black night and her hair suddenly rearranged into different hairstyle on its own.

"You are not going to expect us to believe that this bimbo dwarf is the death, come on that's preposterous." His voice quivered a bit as the Buffy's eyes changed into blue light and her eyeshades became very dark and deep as her face became more skeletal, she reached into folds of her duster and pulled an hourglass from depths of it and gave it an longing look. Harry and Hermione could see nameplate on the hourglass it said: _Draco Ares Malfoy._

Daphne Greengrass was one of the Slytherins that was in the house, because she was really cunning and although she loathed Draco just out of principle, she didn't wish Draco's death, as it would be probably surely pinned to Potter and Granger and she didn't wished that to happening to either of them. Because she sort of held great respect to Grangers intellect and Potters ability to be a true trouble magnet.

"Malfoy, stop talking before she permanently ends you. Not that it would be that big loss anyway" the second part was mumbled under her breath.

Malfoy opened his mouth but Buffy just tilted the hourglass and the sand stopped falling and Draco froze.

"Thank you miss Greengrass" Buffy said, "but as you see, your intervention was not necessary." Buffy said with a smile.

"How did y…" She was interrupted by screeching of Madame Umbridge.

"What have you done to Mister Malfoy you…"

"BE QUIET AND SIT DOWN MISS MARSH!" her voice became hollow bombing like a several coffin lids slams shut, funnily enough, her words entered heads of all presented in the class, without involvement of their ears and her words etched into heir minds, as if they were chiseled there like name on a gravestone.

"Foul little toad like creature." She added in her normal voice.

Umbridge just paled and sat back in her corner shaking. While several pureblood students sent horrified looks her way. And nearly all students except Draco who was still frozen and Flitwick nodded to her second comment.

"Please continue what did you wanted to ask?" said Buffy while nodding at Daphne.

"How did you know my name?" Daphne asked.

"I know as I will meet everyone anyway it the polite thing to know, you know " Buffy said as her face became less skeletal and her eyes changed into their previous state.

"Uh, okay?" Daphne said unsure and slightly disturbed as she got her answer.

Buffy turned to Harry and Hermione. "So, why I am here?" she asked again.

"Uhh… you see…we…" Hermione started to wriggle her hands reminding Buffy of nervous Willow.

Harry continued nervously rubbing back of his neck. "Well we had to perform uhmm non-working ritual…"

"you see it was a school project… we didn't mean to summon anyone, we are sorry, if we dragged you here from anything." Hermione finished looking bit fearfully at Buffy.

"So this is some king of magic school?" Buffy asked for clarification, as they both nodded, she motioned with her hand as her scythe suddenly vanished.

"And you did ritual of AskhEnte as a project right? And it was supposed not to work" again both of them nodded

"Okay, I see" she said as she examined the floor and then asked "May I see your written instructions on how this ritual should be performed?"

Hermione wordlessly passed parchment with her notes and ritual instructions.

"Parchment huh like paper is around for some time this is soo medieval, hmm" Buffy said as she scanned the parchment.

"Ahh the instructions are wrong, but I see that you accidentally did the ritual correctly." Buffy hummed more to herself than to Harry and Hermione

"What, how, where…" Hermione sputtered enraged that her beloved books and mainly her notes might be wrong, before she realized with who she was talking to. "Sorry I…I Didn't mean that…" she mumbled horrified at her slight against personification of death.

Buffy just waved her hand dismissively. "No Biggie"

"Can you, please tell us what was wrong with the instructions or what we did right?" Harry curiously asked as Hermione gave a big sigh of relief.

"Where, would be fun in that?" Buffy said with a smile at those two. Then she blinked as her gaze fell at Harrys scar. She took step closer to Harry and peered calculatingly at his scar for a few seconds. "Well, what have we here, it has been a long time since somebody tried to cheat me like this."

Then her right hand suddenly became skeletal and it darted and her skeletal fingers sank into deep into Harry's forehead and ripped something black from it. Harry went down like a sack of potatoes out cold, with a scream of "Harry" from Hermione, but no injury visible on his forehead, just his scar was bleeding.

"Well mister Riddle we have much to discuss." Buffy gave the black blob hateful glare and then her look softened, as she looked at desperate Hermione "Don't worry miss Granger, he will be right as a rain, he has a still a lot of sand left and it will be longtime to before I meet you two again." she said with a smile as she vanished.

Hermione wanted to say something, but right in that moment Harry groaned as he opened his eyes…

"Ugh what happened" he asked confusedly as to why he was held tightly by Hermione not that he minded.

""She…SherippedsomethingfromyourscarandyouwentdownandIwassoworriedshethenspokeaboutRiddleandthenshejustdisappeared." Hermione babbled slightly hysterical.

"Hermione breathe everything is all right I feel fine." Actually he felt more then fine he felt like he was freed from something, then he noticed that something was trickling down on his forehead he touched and he found his finger were smeared with blood. "Huh my scar is bleeding" he announced confusedly.

Professor Flitwick came to his senses and started to order.

"Class dismissed. Miss Granger take mister Potter to infirmary. Also messer's Crabble and Goyle take mister Malfoy there too.

Several students darted out of door in way to write several letters, to their parents telling that the days events including the revelation that esteemed high inquisitor of Hogwarts came from March family of Innsmouth, family that even most ardent pureblooded supporters considered as a dark and crazy. It saw Umbridge fired not only from Hogwarts, but also from the Ministry next day.

On their way to infirmary Harry asked one thing that troubled most of the people who witnessed the "failed" ritual.

"Hermione is it just me or do you find the idea that the Death is so-cal blonde disturbing?"


End file.
